New Boss Blues

Dear Marjean,

Seeing as you're the best in the advice business, hopefully you can help me. As you can tell by my name, I'm in a bit of sticky situation, just like a fly stuck in a piece of pecan pie!

I have a new boss, who is absolutely nothing like the old boss. I want to give the new one a fair shake, but "Gilberta" as I'll refer to her, doesn't come close to filling the old shoes. My old boss was great to talk to - you know how it is down in the South. Talking with him was like sipping mint juleps on the front veranda in a white rocking chair. With Gilberta, it's like trying to have a conversation in hurricane speed. I know you'll probably tell me I have to give it time, which I will try.

But it's just not the same anymore. Even my colleagues on conference calls seem bummed over the whole situation. Our weekly meetings used to be filled with talk of pirates and marmots. Now it's all business.

What can I do?

Signed,
New Boss Blues


Dear Blue,

Bless your heart! Y'know, I've been hearin' more and more about this very same problem lately. In fact, that's pretty much the reason I work for myself now at AskMarjean, Inc. since no one could have possibly filled the handsome designer shoes of my last manager.

There was a time I would have told you to give Gilberta some time to come around, but life is short, and the older I get, I'll be derned if I just get less and less patient. Some of them psychology courses I took down at the community college suggest what they call a "meaningful intervention". The last one of these I was involved in had me and all my sewing circle ladies talkin' Wylethia out of getting her stomach stapled, so I'm here to tell you that this is a tried an' true method of relationship communication. Of course poor Wylethia has taken to her bed and refuses to wear anything but those filthy tent-dresses, but, I mean, Lawd! Who wants to socialize with someone with staples in their stomach? The very idea is downright revoltin'. It was for the best. If Wylethia wants to wear a smaller size, she can use Crisco and a girdle like the rest of us.

Now back to your question.

The next time you find yourself getting windblown by Hurricane Gilberta, I want you to follow these steps:

• Shout "Stop!"
• Tell her that you can't take her corporate barf-speak any longer, and that you're putting your foot down.
• Tell her that she is not meeting your emotional needs, and that she is failing to be personal and right friendly-like at team meetings.
• Ask her what secrets she's hiding. Suggest that she open up and tell you what she's afraid of. (have tissues or a garbage can handy...this can sometimes get ugly)
• If she does not get all humble-like, tell her that you know that deep inside she is hurting and all this corporate whirlwind garbage is just a cry for help. Tell her you know that she goes home to her empty apartment at night and eats a gallon of ice cream while watching the Lifetime channel and cries herself to sleep while wearing her ex-boyfriend's t-shirt. Tell her you know why her last cat ran away.
• Suggest that she let her hair down with the team and just be normal. Everybody knows that she poops like everyone else, so why does she act like she don't?
• Regardless of her response in this intervention, treat her like you would an elderly person or retarded cousin. Smile sweetly, offer a hug, but don't take her seriously. Ever.
• You'll find that you'll feel better immediately!

Because Gilberta probably doesn't have a soul and most likely can't be expected to have any sort of what the fancy folk call "emotional intelligence", just go along to get along. And keep in touch with that old manager to get your needs met.

Let me know how it goes, and thank you for writing!

Marjean